Cubicle Hero Gifts

"All this namby pamby nonsense about stress...I've been stressed for YEARS and it's never done ME any harm... " "But you're only 25!"

"Sorry, dear, I can't get away now."

'If I let you go home early because you think you're dying everybody will want to go home early because they think they're dying!'

"Don't think of me as your manager. Think of me as your just manager."

Paper Trail

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

'That's our mission statement.'

Overworked in the office

40 Days without an on-the-job conversation.

Another day at work would be one too many...

"I'm thinking of turning this home office into a man-cubicle."

'It's 930am ma'am - time to meet the Board of Detractors.'

Man suffering from rope burn due to climbing the corporate ladder

"We should have taken the cubicles."

'Parsloe, your desk is blocking the corporate food chain.'

"Yes, social media's a great way to express your opinions - shame you feel 'ignored and unappreciated by an aloof, faceless boss' - but that's because I haven't a clue who you are or what you do around here!"

Work Slave

"Brandon isn't adapting well to the open office concept."

'On your marks. Get set. Go!' - 'Come on! Keep going! You can do it!' - 'Yay! You're 8 hours closer to the grave!' - 'Oh, God.'

'Ms. Snack, prepare the conference room for an executive sting.'

"Of course I have a life. Not one worth living, mind you."

Do not think outside the box!

The Corporate Rat.

Whack, Out of Whack.

'I'm not here looking for a job. I'm the temp who's replacing you when the boss fires you today.'

'Chin up, Simpson, it's for the good of the firm.'

'Walter, stop fantasizing and get back to your desk.'

'Welcome aboard, Bob. Your job is to figure out what the hell happened here.'

'Only another thirty-four years, five months and fourteen days until I retire.'

"It's another day, Phil. Planning to suit up?"

The Picture of Dorian Gray's Soul.

After years of working in an office without a door, Doug was moved to a door without an office.

"The quicksand was corporate's idea. I wanted to fire you for going over my head. They wanted to send a message."

'Are we replacing you with a computer? Ha! That's a good one. If we replaced you with a chimpanzee it would be over qualified.'