Clipboard Captain Gifts

In-Tray, Out-Tray and Lost.

'You'll be broadening up your horizons in a cubicle.'

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

Captain in a storm

A Copy Editor and His Dog

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

"'Meetingpalooza' sounded better in the brochure."

'It's my company, I'll decide whether I want to go to the partner's meeting or not.'

"Sorry, Rick, but no thongs means no thongs."

'Well, it wasn't my lucky day... first there was that shark and then I bimped into a bunch of beaver!'

'If we get out of this alive, I'm going to have a darn good look at your resume.'

Welsh airport arrivals.

"This round, forget the finesse. Hit him."

'I like to greet the new team members myself.'

Captain looks out of a porthole and notices that the ship is sinking.

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

Editor.

"This crew gets 15 miles to the pound of gruel. They're very fuel efficient."

"The Captain really, really hates losing at shuffleboard."

Internet Cafe.

Publisher to writer: 'It was a great read, except I collided with run-on sentences, tripped over broken English and got knocked about by a dangling participle.'

It became increasingly difficult for the captain to reward his crew and still maintain his ferocious reputation.

"How can you feel queasy, we're barely out of port."

"I was a gainfully employed copy editor. Suddenly, one day, I couldn't tell an em dash from an en dash."

Captain Ahab (Ret.)

What really happened on the EVER GIVEN

"A storm rages from the East - tell the men to get below and snuggle up for movie night."

'Captain, there's someone pissing in the hold!'

Verbal Orders

Solemn Reference is Made to Mr Bunsby

The crew can no longer tolerate Captain Bligh's ruthless splitting of infinitives."

"Get those decks cleaned you swabs!..."