Cunning Chef T-Shirts

"I hope you're not using any of the canned food I so diligently stockpiled.

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

"Everything tastes better when it's cooked on the grill."

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

Bangers and Mash

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

'I know! It's what I had last night for dinner.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

GMOs: The Next Generation

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

Better Not Squash.

Witch's Brew.

"Gerald converted the barbecue grill to natural gas."

Stupid Microwave

"Fair's fair. I cooked the dinner, so you can clean the cauldron!"

Tzatzikicicle

Amy Sedaris

Sushi Train Set.

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

"Tastes great, less killing!"

'Well, I don't believe it Your room is spotless And in just 10 minutes,,,'

Hell's Kitchen specials: Lawyer thermador, barrister kabobs, litigator flambe, attorney tartare.

"The tiny red things were harvested from Frankie's bonsai tree."

At the Periodic Picnic Table of the Elements

Chef: 'Howz that Octopus coming along Jeff?'

'I didn't know you were a cook. I just heard Daddy say you'd make good sausages.'

'What the devil is that?

Spatula Conductor

Artichoking victim

Beef Wellingtons

"It's something I made myself - chocolate covered veggies."

"Don't hold back on the toad legs now - I'm through with Nouvelle Cuisine!"

'White beetroot?' 'I bleached them.'

Woman in need of an extractor fan.

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'