Cunning Chef Gifts

"I hope you're not using any of the canned food I so diligently stockpiled.

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

"Everything tastes better when it's cooked on the grill."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

Bangers and Mash

'I know! It's what I had last night for dinner.'

GMOs: The Next Generation

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Better Not Squash.

Witch's Brew.

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

Stupid Microwave

"Fair's fair. I cooked the dinner, so you can clean the cauldron!"

Amy Sedaris

Tzatzikicicle

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

"Tastes great, less killing!"

Sushi Train Set.

'I didn't know you were a cook. I just heard Daddy say you'd make good sausages.'

Spatula Conductor

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

Chef: 'Howz that Octopus coming along Jeff?'

At the Periodic Picnic Table of the Elements

'What the devil is that?

"The tiny red things were harvested from Frankie's bonsai tree."

Artichoking victim

"It's something I made myself - chocolate covered veggies."

'White beetroot?' 'I bleached them.'

"Don't hold back on the toad legs now - I'm through with Nouvelle Cuisine!"

Woman in need of an extractor fan.

Christmas Canapes

Beef Wellingtons

Hell's Kitchen specials: Lawyer thermador, barrister kabobs, litigator flambe, attorney tartare.