Quirky Chefs Gifts

"So, tin cans and just general garbage and stuff. Do we want any appetizers?"

'The diet plate is just like the regular plate, M'sieur, except that you have to eat it through a tennis racquet.'

"To accompany a dish of Fire Ants, I would recommend a Chateau Condat 92..."

Cutting round an igloo...

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

"Everything tastes better when it's cooked on the grill."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

Bangers and Mash

'I know! It's what I had last night for dinner.'

GMOs: The Next Generation

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

"It's a recipe called no-cook fish chowder."

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

Reserved space is reserved for a dinner table.

Stupid Microwave

Amy Sedaris

"All our vegetables are organic, ethically sourced and stunned before being boiled."

Kentucky Fried Horse

"So, I went into this fancy new butcher shop and they were selling ostrich of all things!"

"Tastes great, less killing!"

"Can I have a doggie bag to go?"

"It's a combination of pizza and sushi and taco and egg roll and...it's just something everyone loves."

"Give him his food."

Sushi Train Spotters

"Hi, Honey. For dinner we're having Shis Kabob."

'Today's special is yesterday's left-overs.'

'I don't eat red meat. That's ok, this is gone green.'

"I can highly recommend the peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich, served with a chilled glass of milk."

The Criminally Insane Gourmet.

At the Periodic Picnic Table of the Elements

Chef: 'Howz that Octopus coming along Jeff?'

Artichoking victim