Culinary Contemplator T-Shirts

"Honey, close the fridge door while you're thinking!"

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

'Maybe I am thick, but I can't understand a woman who gives up her diet for Lent.'

'Before you order, perhaps you'd like to discuss your food issues with our eating therapist.'

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

Squirrels Stockpiling Mulling Spices for Winter

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

Recipes from the Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

'If I order pasta and she orders antipasta, did we really order anything?'

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

Vegetarian Nightmare.

"Eye of Newt, wing of bat, let's instagram it!"

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

'I'm saving some for leftovers tomorrow.'

"While the chef's dishes tonight are rather bland, his ideas are fresh and appealing."

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

"Steak, Richard, is just grown up veal."

Writer and his Muse on a cookout.

"And what would you like to regret later?"

'I really love this stuff, but I still have a lot of trouble with sushi.'

Ambitions...To Eat My Words: "Lobster, Fllet Steak, Peaches in Brandy."

'...or, if you're watching your cholesterol, we also have thousand-year-old egg substitutes.'

"How nice. A truffle."

"I can't remember if I'm off red meat, or eating nothing but red meat."

Beth realized she wasn't such a great cook the night she tried to make an apple pie. 'Wow! Now that is good meatloaf!'

'I just need enough to send my Dad to cookery lessons!'

'What did you say?' - 'I was talking to my broccoli.'

"You're leaving?" "Yeah, today's kids are so demanding so I've decided to move to a gluten-free, lactose-free, nut-free, sugar-free neighborhood."

"To beat or not to beat."

'Care to form a splinter group?'

"Sometimes I come up here and think about the great meals I've eaten."