Crystal Seller Gifts

"Malachite promotes inner peace, hope and security, but I can’t say for certain it will help you put up with your boss."

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

What's In Her Bag? Coachella Edition!

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

New Age Store.

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

"What's the final episode of 'Seinfeld' about?""It's about nothing."

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

"It will be all your fault."

'Your future looks charming.'

'This New Year you will be bathed in a sea of cash!...Hand on...Sorry. This New Year you will need a flea bath for some sort of rash.'

"You are going to have lots of puppies."

"So how much money have you made from your psychic hotline business?"

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

YOU HAVE A VERY LARGE GENIUS GRANT LINE.

Like most billionaires, Hugh Andrews the third prefers to bowl with crystal pins.

"We're wasting our time. He gets them free at work."

'I can't say what the market's going to do, but you're going to have fourteen children.'

'You will meet a sexy, honest fortune teller who will take all your money!'

"I know I'm going to get older - but how much?"

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

Govt. UK led by Seance

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

'You see me coming here every week and paying you fifty dollars...'

I channeled John Dewey. He says if you want to be a good teacher, don't teach reading and writing. Teach students.

"I see you naked. A beautiful young woman is leaning over you... Oh, hang on. She's performing your autopsy."

Hog Futures

'Hold it right there, pal! I had a vision that your check is going to bounce, so you can just head right back to your car!'

'Of course, the future isn't what it used to be.'