Crystal Enthusiast Gifts

'What can I tell you, we're short-staffed.'

The Projecting Psychic

"And this one is made of ancient crystals that detoxify the air and remove all the money from your pocket."

Healing Crystals

'This card tells me you're a gullible young woman.' 'You're good! That's exactly what I am.'

People To Avoid At Parties # 64 I use a psychic healer..she a reincarnation..

"Just give it to me straight - I wanna know my future no matter how bad it is..."

"Oh dear! Did you recently tread on a crack in the pavement?"

'Is the glass half full, Wally, or half empty?' - 'Oh, oh! Trick question!'

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

"Why bother?"

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

Local rock claims to have been muse for Emily Dickinson poem "I'm that 'little stone' honest to goodness!"

The Tectonics and Their Plates.

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

"What's the final episode of 'Seinfeld' about?""It's about nothing."

'Hold everything! -- The National Endowment for the Arts changed its mind!'

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

"And here is the very stone that finally enabled us to figure out what all those dogs and cats were saying."

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

"It will be all your fault."

"Yes, we’d like to buy a grow house." "Chia Pet’s first purchase."

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

"I used to be a medium, but now I'm a large."

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

'This New Year you will be bathed in a sea of cash!...Hand on...Sorry. This New Year you will need a flea bath for some sort of rash.'

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

Woman throwing giant pot.