Crystal Enthusiast T-Shirts

'What can I tell you, we're short-staffed.'

The Projecting Psychic

"And this one is made of ancient crystals that detoxify the air and remove all the money from your pocket."

I know it's unusual, but I'm getting a lot of pressure from the healing crystals lobby to prescribe this.

Healing Crystals

'This card tells me you're a gullible young woman.' 'You're good! That's exactly what I am.'

People To Avoid At Parties # 64 I use a psychic healer..she a reincarnation..

"Just give it to me straight - I wanna know my future no matter how bad it is..."

"Oh dear! Did you recently tread on a crack in the pavement?"

'Is the glass half full, Wally, or half empty?' - 'Oh, oh! Trick question!'

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"Why bother?"

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

Tommy Cooper at the bottle bank - Glass, Bottle, Bottle, Glass..

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

Local rock claims to have been muse for Emily Dickinson poem "I'm that 'little stone' honest to goodness!"

The Tectonics and Their Plates.

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

'Hold everything! -- The National Endowment for the Arts changed its mind!'

"What's the final episode of 'Seinfeld' about?""It's about nothing."

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

"And here is the very stone that finally enabled us to figure out what all those dogs and cats were saying."

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

"I used to be a medium, but now I'm a large."

"It will be all your fault."

Windows or Mac?

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

"Yes, we’d like to buy a grow house." "Chia Pet’s first purchase."