Crystal Ball Enthusiast T-Shirts

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

'Frankly, I don't see any chance of your hitting it big in the stock market.'

"You're going to get the measles..."

Projecting healthcare costs using fortune teller.

'Please meet our new earnings forecast specialist.'

YOU HAVE A VERY LARGE GENIUS GRANT LINE.

"Let's see what our risk forecasting model has to say..."

'You see me coming here every week and paying you fifty dollars...'

'Sorry, but we have no need for a proof reader.'

"You will go far in your profession, have a gorgeous family, and own lots of property... Or you will struggle with money, have many marriages, and sabotage your own best efforts... Depending on the choices you make."

"Oh, I'm sorry...LIE, not DIE. Someone close to you will LIE tomorrow. Darn auto correct."

'And this is where we attempt to forecast the TRUE size of the spending cuts.'

'Do you see a tall, dark formation of shale oil?'

'First, we'll do a job performance preview.'

"Your next of kin is going to inherit a lot of money."

'You will spend many years in a luxurious mansion, sprawled in front of a warm fireplace.'

"I don't see the Whitney, but Mary Boone will send you a Christmas card."

"I see no new taxes, followed by some new taxes."

"Beware of start-ups with a negative cash flow."

"The crystal ball is to indicate when a waiter will next be in this vicinity."

"Yes, I've turned it off and on again, but it's still not working!"

"I've already met a tall dark man, What I want to know is where he is now."

'Oh, that's our manual back-up.'

Psychic predicts time back from lunch (black and white)

"On Monday, they will introduce a new office layout and you'll be near Judy, who isn't good at sharing her charger. Then you'll finish up a report on whether your client's edgy new marketing tactics have been resonating with the 18-34 demographic. The results will be inconclusive and your boss will say, 'Jared, there'll always be another Instagram-based influence strategy to review,' but she also takes a while to approve your annual leave request and you will suspect that the two are related."

Psychic predicts exact time back from lunch

'Good news! The stock market is about to explode upwards on . . .'

'The job was as good as mine. But when they asked where I saw myself in five years, I didn't know.'

"Ask her where she keeps the mailbox key and the nutmeg."

"Your reckless nature will lead to good fortune, and misery for millions."

"Do you have your pin number for the next year at the ready?"

"Nukes will become obsolete. Germ warfare is much more deadly."

The Future with Coronavirus

"All I keep getting is 'The subject is not a subscriber'."

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"