Crystal Enthusiasts Gifts

Fortune teller with cat client uses nine crystal balls.

"I'm sorry, Rudolph, but empathetic soulsource crystal navigation has made that nose of yours pretty much obsolete."

'Is the glass half full, Wally, or half empty?' - 'Oh, oh! Trick question!'

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

"Why bother?"

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

The Tectonics and Their Plates.

Local rock claims to have been muse for Emily Dickinson poem "I'm that 'little stone' honest to goodness!"

"What's the final episode of 'Seinfeld' about?""It's about nothing."

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

'Hold everything! -- The National Endowment for the Arts changed its mind!'

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

"And here is the very stone that finally enabled us to figure out what all those dogs and cats were saying."

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

"Yes, we’d like to buy a grow house." "Chia Pet’s first purchase."

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

'This New Year you will be bathed in a sea of cash!...Hand on...Sorry. This New Year you will need a flea bath for some sort of rash.'

"I used to be a medium, but now I'm a large."

"It will be all your fault."

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

Woman throwing giant pot.

"I must say, that was a very detailed answer to my 'where do you see yourself in five years' question."

YOU HAVE A VERY LARGE GENIUS GRANT LINE.

"We're having a special today on bright futures."

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

Ill next Thursday

"I know I'm going to get older - but how much?"

'I can't say what the market's going to do, but you're going to have fourteen children.'