Crystal Gazing Fanatic Gifts

"What can you tell me about my life?"

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

"Why bother?"

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

"What's the final episode of 'Seinfeld' about?""It's about nothing."

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

"It will be all your fault."

"I used to be a medium, but now I'm a large."

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

Employment recruitment aptitude test

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

'This New Year you will be bathed in a sea of cash!...Hand on...Sorry. This New Year you will need a flea bath for some sort of rash.'

Windows or Mac?

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

"I must say, that was a very detailed answer to my 'where do you see yourself in five years' question."

YOU HAVE A VERY LARGE GENIUS GRANT LINE.

"We're having a special today on bright futures."

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

"Oh, it's you, I'm glad I picked up.You wouldn't believe how many annoying telepathicmarketing calls I get."

'Before we begin, let me see what my fortune cookie says.'

'I can't say what the market's going to do, but you're going to have fourteen children.'

'Come off it-she only said the guys will be fighting over us because you said we lived UNDER a boxing club!'

"You are going to meet a beautiful young lady at a biology lesson. . ."

'Let's see what they're screwing up today.'

"I know I'm going to get older - but how much?"

'You will meet a sexy, honest fortune teller who will take all your money!'