Canine Crystal Gazer Gifts

"You are going to have lots of puppies."

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"Why bother?"

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

"You keep impeccable time."

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

"What's the final episode of 'Seinfeld' about?""It's about nothing."

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

'This New Year you will be bathed in a sea of cash!...Hand on...Sorry. This New Year you will need a flea bath for some sort of rash.'

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

"It will be all your fault."

'Your future looks charming.'

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

"I must say, that was a very detailed answer to my 'where do you see yourself in five years' question."

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

"We're having a special today on bright futures."

'I can't say what the market's going to do, but you're going to have fourteen children.'

"I know I'm going to get older - but how much?"

'You will meet a sexy, honest fortune teller who will take all your money!'

Ill next Thursday

"You are going to meet a beautiful young lady at a biology lesson. . ."

"Call yourself a fortune teller? I've never even heard of the Cairo museum!"

"Michaelangelo the order is clear, the ceiling was meant to be magnolia."

I channeled John Dewey. He says if you want to be a good teacher, don't teach reading and writing. Teach students.

Nostradamus.

"I see you naked. A beautiful young woman is leaning over you... Oh, hang on. She's performing your autopsy."

"I see you coming into money, at least 50p for a cup of tea."

'We will conduct the background check. Our fortune, Madame Zula, will conduct a complimentary future check.'

"I see you attending a family reunion, where things get quite heated."

"You wanna put that back?"

"Malachite promotes inner peace, hope and security, but I can’t say for certain it will help you put up with your boss."