Crystal Gifts

'I see you sitting in front of your TV...'

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

What's In Her Bag? Coachella Edition!

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

New Age Store.

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

"What's the final episode of 'Seinfeld' about?""It's about nothing."

"So how much money have you made from your psychic hotline business?"

Employment recruitment aptitude test

'This New Year you will be bathed in a sea of cash!...Hand on...Sorry. This New Year you will need a flea bath for some sort of rash.'

'Your future looks charming.'

"It will be all your fault."

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

"We're having a special today on bright futures."

Like most billionaires, Hugh Andrews the third prefers to bowl with crystal pins.

"I know I'm going to get older - but how much?"

'I can't say what the market's going to do, but you're going to have fourteen children.'

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

'You will meet a sexy, honest fortune teller who will take all your money!'

Govt. UK led by Seance

I channeled John Dewey. He says if you want to be a good teacher, don't teach reading and writing. Teach students.

"I see you naked. A beautiful young woman is leaning over you... Oh, hang on. She's performing your autopsy."

"Malachite promotes inner peace, hope and security, but I can’t say for certain it will help you put up with your boss."

"I see you coming into money, at least 50p for a cup of tea."

'Of course, the future isn't what it used to be.'

"You wanna put that back?"

Psychic car mechanics.

Crystal Ball Plug

'Hold it right there, pal! I had a vision that your check is going to bounce, so you can just head right back to your car!'

Paranormal Fair: 'Closed due to unforeseen circumstances'

'I got one of those new crystal ball smart watches.'

'You will never require the services of a dating agency.'