Crystals Gifts

Madame Z, fortune teller...sees all/rells all...can help you find your car.

"If you never date a prediction it can't be proved wrong."

'What can I tell you, we're short-staffed.'

New Age Store.

'I have to be careful of what I say around here. Someone's always looking over my shoulder.'

"Oh dear! Did you recently tread on a crack in the pavement?"

"In three days, your car warranty will expire."

"You wanna put that back?"

"£80 for a crystal ball?? They must've seen you coming. . . !"

People To Avoid At Parties # 64 I use a psychic healer..she a reincarnation..

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'I'd really have the jitters if I knew the future, but your mom is supercool!'

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

'Any jobs out there in the, you know, nether regions?'

"And this one is made of ancient crystals that detoxify the air and remove all the money from your pocket."

"Let's wrap it up. I'm getting a leg cramp."

"It says 'made in Hong Kong'"

'You will never require the services of a dating agency.'

I know it's unusual, but I'm getting a lot of pressure from the healing crystals lobby to prescribe this.

"I'm sorry, Rudolph, but empathetic soulsource crystal navigation has made that nose of yours pretty much obsolete."

"The amethyst has calming properties – which is great when you’re out of Xanax."

"Malachite promotes inner peace, hope and security, but I can’t say for certain it will help you put up with your boss."

What's In Her Bag? Coachella Edition!

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

Employment recruitment aptitude test

'Your future looks charming.'

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

'This New Year you will be bathed in a sea of cash!...Hand on...Sorry. This New Year you will need a flea bath for some sort of rash.'

"So how much money have you made from your psychic hotline business?"

YOU HAVE A VERY LARGE GENIUS GRANT LINE.

Like most billionaires, Hugh Andrews the third prefers to bowl with crystal pins.