Crumpet Connoisseur Gifts

An extra thick crumpet

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

"Joel! Killer crust!"

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

'I'd like to match this credenza.'

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

Ladies reading a crochet pattern for amusement

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

Curtains haberdashery

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

Thor's Other Tools

'The crepes of wrath.' 'Joad's mobile pancake store.'

Behind the cow is a manure castle. 'Yeah...It's a gift.'

3 Bottle Banks - Clear, coloured and rum bottles.

Baker

Love Birds love loving each other

"This time it's curtains for you, Black Bart!"

'That's the material I want for our new lounge curtains.'

"I love the way next door never tidy their garden - it's the perfect source of blackberries for our apple crumble."

Practical Woodworm...

"Why don't you stop by and stray for awhile."

'Scratching these curtains will be the greatest performance of my life.'

Crusty Bread

Robinson le Creusot

"I'm ordering curtains for our neighbor, the Retirement Home for Lawyers Without Briefs."

'Wall-to-wall carpets go on the floor, not on the walls.'

"I call it 'Organised Cabinet Number One'."

Dark and Stormy

"Is everything okay, dear? You're smiling!"

'Oooh the Timpsons have got new blinds.' (Blinds read 'Sod off you nosy cow).

"And I'm telling you the curtains always looked like that."

Biggo Carpet Co.: 'Out cutting a rug'

"The presentation is dreadful."

'Carpets' 'Try before you buy'