Crunchy Connoisseur Gifts

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

The wonderful world of cheese.

One Man's Meat is Another Man's Poetry

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

'Three weeks of brutal alimony negotiations, Polly, and you settle for a cracker!'

"Joel! Killer crust!"

Imagine

'You reek of crackers.'

"Yes, it's a sports related injury. He dropped his bowling ball."

"Maybe I've been brainwashed, but at this point I do believe I actually want a goddamn cracker."

'The Entrecote a la Bordelaise? It's stuff on a plate.'

'...And an extra packet of crackers! It's our Anniversary!'

A polar bear has slipped and is sprawled out on the ice next to a yellow caution sign that features a slipping figure.

"Oh, it's just a corny old bee movie."

"I'd like a wine that was born in France and then bummed around California."

'Dear father for what I am about to receive I give thee thanks.'

The Butcher of 35th street.

"If the packers lose I'll eat my hat."

Baker

'No! Not rare, not medium, not well-done: I want my steak raw! Thank you...'

"I love the way next door never tidy their garden - it's the perfect source of blackberries for our apple crumble."

Sick Of A Low-Carb Diet

'The mind-body problem is best expressed in the formulation...OOf!'

"It's adjusted for inflation. A dollar a chip."

"I'm working on a watercolor."

Crusty Bread

Blue wine

"You invented a time machine to come back and hit Reply instead of Reply All?"

'Would you like it rare, very rare or still running? We close in twenty minutes.'

"I'm sorry you've got a sudden craving for nachos, Mrs. Hacksburry, but I really don't want to open the store right now!"

Ground Game!

"Oh yes sir, white collar—very tender."

"We have a Sauvignon Blanc to refresh your palate or a lick of this toad to obliterate your sense of self."