Crunchy Connoisseur T-Shirts

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

The wonderful world of cheese.

One Man's Meat is Another Man's Poetry

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"Joel! Killer crust!"

'Three weeks of brutal alimony negotiations, Polly, and you settle for a cracker!'

Imagine

'You reek of crackers.'

"Yes, it's a sports related injury. He dropped his bowling ball."

A polar bear has slipped and is sprawled out on the ice next to a yellow caution sign that features a slipping figure.

"Oh, it's just a corny old bee movie."

"Maybe I've been brainwashed, but at this point I do believe I actually want a goddamn cracker."

'The Entrecote a la Bordelaise? It's stuff on a plate.'

'Dear father for what I am about to receive I give thee thanks.'

"I'd like a wine that was born in France and then bummed around California."

'...And an extra packet of crackers! It's our Anniversary!'

Baker

The Butcher of 35th street.

'No! Not rare, not medium, not well-done: I want my steak raw! Thank you...'

"I love the way next door never tidy their garden - it's the perfect source of blackberries for our apple crumble."

'The mind-body problem is best expressed in the formulation...OOf!'

Sick Of A Low-Carb Diet

Crusty Bread

"It's adjusted for inflation. A dollar a chip."

"I'm working on a watercolor."

Blue wine

"You invented a time machine to come back and hit Reply instead of Reply All?"

'Would you like it rare, very rare or still running? We close in twenty minutes.'

"We have a Sauvignon Blanc to refresh your palate or a lick of this toad to obliterate your sense of self."

Ground Game!

"I'm sorry you've got a sudden craving for nachos, Mrs. Hacksburry, but I really don't want to open the store right now!"

"Oh yes sir, white collar—very tender."

"Enough with the low-hanging fruit. How about some slow-moving meat?"