Crispy Connoisseur T-Shirts

"It's adjusted for inflation. A dollar a chip."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

Counting ribs

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

The wonderful world of cheese.

One Man's Meat is Another Man's Poetry

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

"I come here for the pepper."

"Trail mix?"

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

'Three weeks of brutal alimony negotiations, Polly, and you settle for a cracker!'

Full English Breakfast.

"Joel! Killer crust!"

A burgandy from when the dow hit a record high.

'Strong curry for two and a fire-extinguisher.'

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

Enjoying a picnic at the rugby ground

this bordeaux speaks for itself

'Do I really have to remind you again about which one of us earns the truffles, Jean-Claude?'

Somewhere in France

Steam from dinner in restaurant forms dollar sign

Sister to brother: 'It's kind of like alphabet soup, only for numbers crunchers.'

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

Cereal Tasting.

Future Wrestler