Crunch Connoisseur T-Shirts

How different foods crunch.

Chip Magnet

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

One Man's Meat is Another Man's Poetry

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"Trail mix?"

'Burl says it only works with corn though if you want to try it.'

'Three weeks of brutal alimony negotiations, Polly, and you settle for a cracker!'

"Joel! Killer crust!"

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

'Time to buy.'

Somewhere in France

"Can you keep a secret?"

Future Wrestler

'You reek of crackers.'

Ginger's bakery: Our Cookies Snap!

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

"Serves you right...snacking before dinner."

"Summer's here. Do you want to start talking incessantly about tomatoes or corn?"

"Oh, it's just a corny old bee movie."

'Popcorn? Sure. Would you like huge, mega, super-duper huge or gigundazillion multi multi really insanely huge?'

'Sticky nuts...' "Umm nice nuts but not as sticky as us buns!!"

'...And an extra packet of crackers! It's our Anniversary!'

"Maybe I've been brainwashed, but at this point I do believe I actually want a goddamn cracker."

'Dear father for what I am about to receive I give thee thanks.'

'Ironically, sportswear is the most comfortable clothing for doing nothing in.'

'The new intelligent dummies aren't working out. They've figured out there's a break!'

'Organically-grown popcorn? Give me a break!'

sports bar buffet : Hotdogs/pizza/Corn-on-the-Ty Cobb

"We're out of empanadas!"

The Butcher of 35th street.

That night, Neil Thomas declared himself the poet laureate of 1973 Sheffield Lane.

"It turns out my milk is actually aging cream...so, I use it to remove all those ugly age spots."

Baker