Crumpet Connoisseur T-Shirts

An extra thick crumpet

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

"Joel! Killer crust!"

'I'd like to match this credenza.'

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

Ladies reading a crochet pattern for amusement

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

Curtains haberdashery

Thor's Other Tools

'The crepes of wrath.' 'Joad's mobile pancake store.'

"This time it's curtains for you, Black Bart!"

Love Birds love loving each other

Baker

Behind the cow is a manure castle. 'Yeah...It's a gift.'

3 Bottle Banks - Clear, coloured and rum bottles.

'That's the material I want for our new lounge curtains.'

"I love the way next door never tidy their garden - it's the perfect source of blackberries for our apple crumble."

Technically, no, dear, your brother isn't plagiarizing you. ABC. ABC.

Practical Woodworm...

'Scratching these curtains will be the greatest performance of my life.'

"Why don't you stop by and stray for awhile."

Crusty Bread

"I'm ordering curtains for our neighbor, the Retirement Home for Lawyers Without Briefs."

'Wall-to-wall carpets go on the floor, not on the walls.'

Robinson le Creusot

"Is everything okay, dear? You're smiling!"

"I call it 'Organised Cabinet Number One'."

Dark and Stormy

'Oooh the Timpsons have got new blinds.' (Blinds read 'Sod off you nosy cow).

"The presentation is dreadful."

Biggo Carpet Co.: 'Out cutting a rug'

"And I'm telling you the curtains always looked like that."