Cruise Enthusiast With A Funny Bone Gifts

'Yes, our cruises allow travellers to choose from several viruses...I mean, ports of call.'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'Your shoe's untied.'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

Upper class child with toy cruise ship.

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

"Yo - I'm way overdone in here!"

'Great cruise. When does the buffet open?'

Excess Baggage: When you are on a cruise and they say the ship leaves at 5:30, they really mean the ship leaves at 5:30.

'That strange smell, George.. is FRESH AIR!'

"I hear you've a complaint about the eggs..."

"Ticket and passport, please."

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

"... And don't come back until you're ready to get funny."

'House wine?'

"Oooh... bacon!"

"Will you be ordering A La Carte, or heading straight over to the trough?"

'The marvelous thing about a Singles cruise is, if you don't find an interesting man, you can drown your sorrows with interesting food.'

Tom Cruise

"Well, we've learned that passengers will mutiny if they are served meatloaf two days in a row... Even if you do call it the South Sea Surprise on the second day!"

'Turns out medicine is the best medicine.'

Fetch the Boomerang

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

'This MUST be our ship!'

"So that's a triple burger with added cheese and relish... Would you like the complementary angioplasty with that?"

Excess Baggage: Take lots of photos on your cruise so you can show folks what you looked like before you gained those 20 pounds.

"Our forensic scientist quit, so our computer guy has stepped in for now."

'I can't get them to leave. They want to sign up for another cruise.'

Boss, we got a UFO sighting...Unidentified Frying Object.'

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'