Wine Enthusiast With A Funny Bone Gifts

"This bottle is defective - it stopped pouring!"

'... And this is my cellar.'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

"I'm getting plasma, iron and platelets. RH positive!"

"This wine tastes like a**....Bring me every bottle you have!"

Wino Appreciation Group

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

'No, I can't remember the name of the wine, but it did come in a bottle about this tall, if that's any help.'

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

'Did you hear? We have a new slogan: Artisan-crafted wine made the old-world way.'

'What have you got in the way of an imported red that has a label that doesn't look like my cat drew it?'

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

'Ahh, the '74 Amarone. Unfortunately, I can't sell it to you. There's no possible way you'd appreciate it.'

"I find a good cabernet is the best way to put my money where my mouth is."

"Do you have a wine that tastes like beer?"

'Gentlemen, tonight's special is broiled sea urchin, with raspberries, over candy corn, with a goat's milk sauce. I would suggest a wine to recommend with it, had I attended sommelier school in the Twilight Zone.'

"Would sir like to try the wine. . . ?"

'I noticed your wine list only has reds and whites. Don't you have any yellow wines?'

'Sir has made the most discerning choice to wash it down with Drain Glug.'

Waiter watering down wine

"A whino!"

'For future reference, just the bottle goes in the chiller.'

"Would you like an ice bucket with your Champagne?"

"A cheeky little wine, would you agree?"

'How wonderful, I've always wanted to meet a connoisseur of wines costing under £4.99 a bottle.'

'You opened it five hours ago. If it breathes any more, it's going to hyperventilate.'

'How come your oldest vintage is on the top shelf?' 'I can't reach up there!'

'Mmm...it's got a good nose on it.'

Swine List

"What wine would you recommend to go with male chauvinist pork?"

'You know, our collection of bottle bags is worth more than our collection of wines.'