Wine And Joke Enthusiast Gifts

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

Opening the Barrel

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

Wino Appreciation Group

"This wine tastes like a**....Bring me every bottle you have!"

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

'No, I can't remember the name of the wine, but it did come in a bottle about this tall, if that's any help.'

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

'Ahh, the '74 Amarone. Unfortunately, I can't sell it to you. There's no possible way you'd appreciate it.'

"I picked this one up in France while my wife had her hip replaced."

"I find a good cabernet is the best way to put my money where my mouth is."

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

"Do you have a wine that tastes like beer?"

'I noticed your wine list only has reds and whites. Don't you have any yellow wines?'

'Sir has made the most discerning choice to wash it down with Drain Glug.'

'Gentlemen, tonight's special is broiled sea urchin, with raspberries, over candy corn, with a goat's milk sauce. I would suggest a wine to recommend with it, had I attended sommelier school in the Twilight Zone.'

"Would sir like to try the wine. . . ?"

"Would you like an ice bucket with your Champagne?"

'At home, he's my husband, here; he's my dump bucket.'

Waiter watering down wine

"A cheeky little wine, would you agree?"

'How wonderful, I've always wanted to meet a connoisseur of wines costing under £4.99 a bottle.'

'You opened it five hours ago. If it breathes any more, it's going to hyperventilate.'

"A whino!"

'How come your oldest vintage is on the top shelf?' 'I can't reach up there!'

'For future reference, just the bottle goes in the chiller.'

'Mmm...it's got a good nose on it.'

"This bottle is defective - it stopped pouring!"

'You know, our collection of bottle bags is worth more than our collection of wines.'

Swine List