Wine And Joke Enthusiast Pillows

Don't confuse me with justice, counselor. Justice is blind. I'm just blind drunk.

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

Opening the Barrel

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

Wino Appreciation Group

"This wine tastes like a**....Bring me every bottle you have!"

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

'No, I can't remember the name of the wine, but it did come in a bottle about this tall, if that's any help.'

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

'Ahh, the '74 Amarone. Unfortunately, I can't sell it to you. There's no possible way you'd appreciate it.'

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

"I picked this one up in France while my wife had her hip replaced."

"I find a good cabernet is the best way to put my money where my mouth is."

"Nope, no need to smell the cork."

"Do you have a wine that tastes like beer?"

'Gentlemen, tonight's special is broiled sea urchin, with raspberries, over candy corn, with a goat's milk sauce. I would suggest a wine to recommend with it, had I attended sommelier school in the Twilight Zone.'

'I noticed your wine list only has reds and whites. Don't you have any yellow wines?'

'Sir has made the most discerning choice to wash it down with Drain Glug.'

"It's disappointing, but if that's the biggest you've got ..."

"Would sir like to try the wine. . . ?"

"A whino!"

'At home, he's my husband, here; he's my dump bucket.'

'For future reference, just the bottle goes in the chiller.'

Waiter watering down wine

"Would you like an ice bucket with your Champagne?"

"A cheeky little wine, would you agree?"

'You opened it five hours ago. If it breathes any more, it's going to hyperventilate.'

'How wonderful, I've always wanted to meet a connoisseur of wines costing under £4.99 a bottle.'

'How come your oldest vintage is on the top shelf?' 'I can't reach up there!'

'Mmm...it's got a good nose on it.'

"This bottle is defective - it stopped pouring!"

'You know, our collection of bottle bags is worth more than our collection of wines.'