Fashionista With A Funny Bone Gifts

Toast Tanning

'Is it just me, or has the glamour gone out of constuction?'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

"Yo - I'm way overdone in here!"

'I'm looking for something to impress the shareholders.'

'I hate waking up with coffin hair.'

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

"I don't think anyone will notice your ninty seven pound lime green lycra swimming trunks Terry."

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

"I hear you've a complaint about the eggs..."

"Now that's a great number if you want to be protected from the entire environment."

'The Prom Dress: One Week Later'

'House wine?'

'I'm just curious, which one of you was dropped off by their boyfriend on a really fast motorcycle?'

Bernice Mountain Dog

Falloon's Menswear. Where it's always brown trouser time.

"Oooh... bacon!"

"Will you be ordering A La Carte, or heading straight over to the trough?"

Boss, we got a UFO sighting...Unidentified Frying Object.'

"Marie Antoinette? This is she."

'You should never wear a green parrot with a blue suit.'

Naked Furniture

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

"So that's a triple burger with added cheese and relish... Would you like the complementary angioplasty with that?"

"I thought I put on my 'big boy' pants this morning but apparently they were my 'fire me' pants."

"I don’t know, honey – sort of makes you look like a blockhead."

Crocodile Shoes

"Remember, you're selling home appliances, so look more ... dishwashery."

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

'Waiter, this jam tastes of fish!'

'This Beef Wellington is as tough as old boots.'