Cruising Comedian Gifts

Tom Cruise

'Get the net ready, Alice. I think it's a big one.'

A huge shark is about to attack a small fishing boat and one of the guys is saying 'Listen... there's that creepy music again' as an orchestra of fish, crabs and an octopus play the theme from Jaws.

"Say Bernie, how come this little guy's been following you around all week?"

Crew Goofs Off While Out Of Sight

Bicycle sat nav.

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

"My wife is the queen of misheard lyrics! Listen to her singing carefully next time: it's hilarious..."

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

"That's the last time I buy a dog from a cartoonist."

Japanese Whaling

Captain Hook getting his hook stuck in the rail, again

'That strange smell, George.. is FRESH AIR!'

Well yes, I am a Blue Whale, but that doesn't mean I'm depressed...

Recalculating

"Captain, we've taken on strippers."

"This crew gets 15 miles to the pound of gruel. They're very fuel efficient."

"Will thee not sayeth uncle?!"

"How can you feel queasy, we're barely out of port."

Lady to angler whose line is snagged: 'You would manage to get your line caught in the one tree in this entire massive lake.'

'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

'The trick to scaring surfers is to only show your dorsal fin when you surface next to them...'

"I was caught and released. But according to news reports, I remain a fish of interest."

Man painting MOM on boat

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

Walking the Plank.

"With the benefit of hindsight, I’d say no, Ed, it wasn’t ‘funny’ letting him steer the boat!"

Lighthouse powered by batteries.

"Is a six pack enough? I can go back out."

'I'm not scaring the fish - I'm WARNING the fish!'

Raft with a 'Caution Wet!' sign.

'We're drifting apart.'

"Hey wader, there's a fly in my sloop"

"Nope, not a dock! Not a diving board! Guess again!"

'I got one this small.'