Cruise Crack-up Gifts

'No! That's not a wall safe, it's a porthole!'

'Hold on, I'll get the camera.'

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

"Tell them we only have romaine!"

"Well, we did book the Grill Suite I suppose."

"I thought the travel agent said 40% off."

The Desert Island Package

S. S. All You Can Eat

"Welcome to the staff! The compensation is generous and they have good benefits. They're cutting out our paid Bahamas cruise though, because too many employees never came back."

"....After ten o'clock is quiet time on board for the comfort of our passengers."

Holiday Reading and Back to Work Reading

'We are now passing through the Sicilian Triangle, otherwise known as 'The Drink','

'I told you changing that one word would bring in the business!'

"What's the best ailment I could claim to convince my husband that I need a luxury cruise?"

'Feeling a little sick, dear?'

Viking Rover Cruises

Bon Voyage

Pussycat says to Owl: 'This is rubbish, can we PLEASE do Ibiza next year?'

'Putting up a deck chair is a real bugger at the best of times.'

"I don't think I'm going to be in today, I got a bit wrecked at the weekend."

'I haven't gotten to your story yet. I'm laughing at your resume.'

'It's bad enough that the stupid cruise ship didn't pick us up...'

"I told you when we booked this vacation that Valahalla is a luxury spacecraft not a place where dead Vikings go to party!"

"I told you not to ask every b****r we met on the cruise to visit us when we got home!"

'It appears that Umchuk is going on a cruise.'

"I'm sure that It's Sicily, Capri, Rome, Genoa and then Barcelona."

"Did you get the Gundersons' pics of their Caribbean cruise?"

Marriage Guidance / Travel Agent

'We're running low on food, everyone. I think we should cut out the 'All-you-can-eat' buffets.'

Sailing in the Caribbean via astral projection.

' Me....here?...Well...er...I remember getting on a Club 18-30 Booze Cruise!'

"So, what did you used to do?"

New York Sightseeing Cruises

New US restrictions against Cuba

'I hate these romance cruises.'