Cruise Crack-up Pillows

'No! That's not a wall safe, it's a porthole!'

'Hold on, I'll get the camera.'

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

"Tell them we only have romaine!"

"Well, we did book the Grill Suite I suppose."

"I thought the travel agent said 40% off."

The Desert Island Package

S. S. All You Can Eat

"....After ten o'clock is quiet time on board for the comfort of our passengers."

"Welcome to the staff! The compensation is generous and they have good benefits. They're cutting out our paid Bahamas cruise though, because too many employees never came back."

Holiday Reading and Back to Work Reading

'We are now passing through the Sicilian Triangle, otherwise known as 'The Drink','

"What's the best ailment I could claim to convince my husband that I need a luxury cruise?"

'I told you changing that one word would bring in the business!'

'Feeling a little sick, dear?'

Viking Rover Cruises

'Putting up a deck chair is a real bugger at the best of times.'

"I don't think I'm going to be in today, I got a bit wrecked at the weekend."

Pussycat says to Owl: 'This is rubbish, can we PLEASE do Ibiza next year?'

'I haven't gotten to your story yet. I'm laughing at your resume.'

Bon Voyage

New US restrictions against Cuba

"I told you when we booked this vacation that Valahalla is a luxury spacecraft not a place where dead Vikings go to party!"

Marriage Guidance / Travel Agent

"I told you not to ask every b****r we met on the cruise to visit us when we got home!"

Sailing in the Caribbean via astral projection.

' Me....here?...Well...er...I remember getting on a Club 18-30 Booze Cruise!'

'We're running low on food, everyone. I think we should cut out the 'All-you-can-eat' buffets.'

New York Sightseeing Cruises

'I hate these romance cruises.'

'It appears that Umchuk is going on a cruise.'

"So, what did you used to do?"

"I'm sure that It's Sicily, Capri, Rome, Genoa and then Barcelona."

'You heard the man, Harold. It's a formal cruise--go back to the room and put on your black flip-flops.'