Cv Crack-up Gifts

'I haven't gotten to your story yet. I'm laughing at your resume.'

Caged Businessman

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

'Your CV says in your last job you were responsible for...'

I feel better than ever physically but I'm totally obsolete at work. In life 60 is the new 40. In the workplace 40 is the new 60.

'31 years in graphic design eh, so I shouldn't be surprised you've retouched your photo on your CV.'

'Sorry, we can't offer you a job but we would like to publish your CV.'

'I see from your C. V. that you're my son...'

'How long's he been out there?'

"Fire one shot if you find a waterhole or two for a coffeeshop."

"Hi Mom...do you remember in which grade I was given an award for my excellent performance of the song about little ducks?"

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

"In your CV under 'experience' all you've written is 'YIPEE!'."

"Where would you say you are on the confidence/cockiness spectrum?"

'No! That's not a wall safe, it's a porthole!'

"Yes, I suppose attention seeking may be considered by some as an asset, but frankly we need more than that."

'Think of it as a buyout package, Bob...without the 'buy' and just the 'out'!'

'We don't believe a word of this c.v... And we'd like to offer you a job.'

'This is where the company started handing out sick bags!'

'Very impressive, but is there anything you can't do?'

Don't jump! Just think what it will do to your wife and kids not to mention your career as a motivational speaker!

'I took the liberty of digitally enhancing my resume to make a mountain out of a mole hill.'

'I've had tight deadlines, if that's what you mean by performing well under pressure.'

"Your resume says SOB, tell me more about that."

'Call this one -I like short resumes.'

'Yes, I received your resume that you emailed. I ran a fact check and I was wondering if you know that a half truth is a whole lie.'

"Your CV is very impressive. We're interested in the person who wrote it."

'You're overqualified, and we under pay. It evens out. Welcome aboard, Barnes.'

"I refuse to go down with the ship."

'Really?! You didn't get fired today, either?! That's 60 days in a row! I'm so proud of you!'

"I think there's been a mistake... I applied for the caretakers job."

A Temporary One Day A Year Job Is Not Enough, I Want A Permanent Job!

'We still have a few other people we'd like to interview before deciding on who will fill the position, Mr. Prescott.'

'If I'd known you were looking for someone without experience, I wouldn't have exaggerated my abilities.'

'If you were a carp where would you go?'