Coffee Crack-up Gifts

"Fire one shot if you find a waterhole or two for a coffeeshop."

'Missed again, eh, Bob? Maybe you should switch to decaf!'

Too Much Coffee Man

Mono-Tasking, Multi-Tasking, No-No Tasking and Nada Tasking.

'How are we supposed to think the unthinkable if we have to drink the drinkable?'

'I see you've managed to cut your coffee consumption in half.'

"A barista should always follow his instincts."

School of Baristas

Billy strip: bed pan.

Triple espresso. Forget it, Uncle Mort. Your doctors said no caffeine. I am not your Uncle Mort, I am someone else altogether. Oh yeah? Who are you? I am … Drinkum … Coffeeman … Worthington-Smythe … of the Florida Coffeeman-Worthington-Smythes. You may have heard of us ... we're a family of um ... Troubadours. I, myself, wrote several ballads for the likes of Sinatra, Pat Boone, and Jimi Hendrix. So if I were to Google that right now, Google would confirm that? Google is an abomination!!! One ge

"I'm sorry - Mr Jensen is not in the office at this time."

'I haven't gotten to your story yet. I'm laughing at your resume.'

Man spilling coffee and papers, looking like an awkward dance

"...but you uncovered this cafe's secret conspiracy to addict us to over-caffeinated drinks."

Harold pushed the 25 coffee refills to the limit

'Caffeinated or decaffeinated?'

IT department/Cup of T department.

"I secretly put decaf in my office coffeemaker so all of my coworkers work at my speed.'

"If you need something stronger we can bring out the defibrillator."

'It started out as a simple coffee break...'

You Will Eat A Fortune Cookie.

"Okay, break's over. I'll give you a ten second head start."

Cat gets coffee from coffee machine.

I've checked the spreadsheet, minion. How do you explain yourself? What'd I do, boss? Since you started working here 13 years ago, average rainfall in the township has plummeted by 15%. We're now in a drought. That's led to coffee and cocoa purchases also plummeting by an average of 15%. I'm going to have to give you a 15% pay cut to compensate for your deleterious effect on the local climate. Very bad man.

ACME Vending LTD

'I can't eat somewhere that deals with their taxes so reprehensibly.'

'Where're the biscuits?'

"Not you, too, Larry. Pumpkin-flavored?"

"I believe I'll pass on the coffee."

I'm Andy Cooperman, CNM News, with a breaking story. This is chaos. Madness. What went wrong? Can we recover? What? How? Where? When? Why? I tripped and spilled a cup of coffee. Then I cleaned it up. This reporter has never seen anything like it. 24-hour news gets a little desperate when there's a lull in actual crises. Let's go to our experts. It's apocalyptic.

'It's been an awful day, we lost a three million pound contract and the coffee machine broke down!'

Let me guess

"...And pull up you're cup sleeve young man!"