Cruise Cut-up Gifts

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

Cutaway view of Ocean liner.

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

'Hold on, I'll get the camera.'

Upper class child with toy cruise ship.

'See you in two weeks!'

"You just had to book the economy cruise, didn't you?"

"I thought the travel agent said 40% off."

Excess Baggage: You never have to worry about finding your way around those humongous new cruise ships. Your stomach will lead you.

"Ticket and passport, please."

"Well, we did book the Grill Suite I suppose."

The Desert Island Package

Cruise.

'It always great to get away from it all.'

'The travel agent says there's nothing available on the port side. Do you want me to see if she's got anything on the sherry side?'

'The marvelous thing about a Singles cruise is, if you don't find an interesting man, you can drown your sorrows with interesting food.'

Skiing at Sea

'Your first cruise then, mate?'

Viking River Raids

'We are now passing through the Sicilian Triangle, otherwise known as 'The Drink','

Tui River Cruise

The Queen Mary 2: World's largest ocean liner.

"Welcome to the staff! The compensation is generous and they have good benefits. They're cutting out our paid Bahamas cruise though, because too many employees never came back."

"....After ten o'clock is quiet time on board for the comfort of our passengers."

'No! That's not a wall safe, it's a porthole!'

S. S. All You Can Eat

"So did you folks have a nice vacation?"

Death takes a holiday.

Holiday Reading and Back to Work Reading

'I needed a break, so I thought I'd take a personal day... then I saw this ad and decided to take 7 personal days.'

'We are now passing through the Sicilian Triangle, otherwise known as 'The Drink','

"What's the best ailment I could claim to convince my husband that I need a luxury cruise?"

"Just when you thought every possible permutation of the cookery contest show had been exhausted here's Battlechefs. A cookery contest show on a ship!"

Battle chefs