Company Cutup Gifts

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

'We divested ourselves of a division here, a subsidiary there, a branch here, an affiliate there...there's nothing left!'

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

A business that thinks alike...sinks alike.

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

'I thought people were quite receptive to the change seminar.'

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

Every class has one. . .

Cut out and keep your own Gardener!

"We're still the same, great company we've always been, only we've ceased to exist."

"The water does taste a little funny. Maybe they added analgesics, to ease the pain of restructuring."

'Well, I'll say this: when the new boss came on board, it was a real game-changer for all of us!'

'We've decided you should go think outside the company.'

"Actually, this is where there was a slight earth tremor."

'This doesn't look good.'

Desk trays - 'In' and 'Out-sourced'.

"Of course, I'm not suggesting that you should also bail."

'Hey, when you announce pay cuts like these, you've got to expect a few howls of protest!'

'I've just thought of a way to save the company £1800 a month.'

Haute C. E. O., Business Couture - Lean In.

'The facts speak for themselves: My opinion however is in the accompanying letter with your redundancy package.'

The Continuing Adventures of Mel Hufnagel, Corporate Head-Hunter...

'Downsizing through attrition will work if enough employees will cooperate and die.'

"How's the reshuffle going?"

'What's the smallest budget you can manage on?'

'Unfortunately, we've downsized everyone who knew what our hidden agenda was...'

"We do have an opening for a whistleblower, but it's only a temporary position."

'I don't get it, the company's made money, but I don't see any.'

"I refuse to go down with the ship."

Office conversation

'I hate these staff shakeups.'

'Everyone's feeling a little overwhelmed. They've doubled our workload without increasing the size of our staff.'

"My hunch is heads will roll."

Factory closed. The 1st CEO got most of it, as a bonus, when we fired him. Ditto, the 2nd CEO, and the last CEO got what was left.