Corporate Downsizer Gifts

"It's that new troubleshooter you hired, sir -- He got himself in the foot."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

Let's get organized

"It looks like our house got sick and threw up the attic."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

Second hand furniture.

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

Yardless: Please help

'We divested ourselves of a division here, a subsidiary there, a branch here, an affiliate there...there's nothing left!'

It was getting worse. Bob's power suit kept wanting more and more, whereas Bob just wanted out.

A business that thinks alike...sinks alike.

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

A man is living in small box apartment trying to read a book, but is surrounded by people engaging in noisy activities.

We're cutting the forest in half, so I'm going to need you to make the oxygen of two trees.

'If sales don't improve incrementally... our business outlook will change excrementally...'

'The massive arrests have made the plans for downsizing much easier.'

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

"In the current market, it's just more practical."

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

"Let's kick off this Human Resource action with a game of Musical Chairs."

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

Yard Sale

"Not to mention the park view."

'I thought people were quite receptive to the change seminar.'

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

Estate Sale! All the stuff my kids said they don't want to inherit.

'This is what happens when we give up our resistance to change.'

'I've misplaced everything.'

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'

'My old Nehru suit! And in a pocket there's still a bottle of aftershave lotion from the glove box of my '55 Nash Rambler.'

"There's lots of things in my life I absolutely needed to put in, and now there's lots of things in my life I absolutely need to get out."

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."