Company Downsizing Gifts

"The whole company is being relocated but nobody will tell me where to."

Office conversation

'Everyone's feeling a little overwhelmed. They've doubled our workload without increasing the size of our staff.'

"Of course, I'm not suggesting that you should also bail."

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

"I'm relunctant to fire him until we at least figure out what he does here."

"We've had so many layoffs that you're my only friend in the company...and I don't even like you."

'I wish we could afford to keep you on, Peters. For that matter, I wish we could afford your severance package.'

"My hunch is heads will roll."

"To ease the pain of downsizing, the company will upsize every burger you buy with a soft drink and fries for a month."

'The facts speak for themselves: My opinion however is in the accompanying letter with your redundancy package.'

'Hey, when you announce pay cuts like these, you've got to expect a few howls of protest!'

'I've just thought of a way to save the company £1800 a month.'

"At times like this we all need to pull TOGETHER, work outside of our normal roles by flexible."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

Let's get organized

"It looks like our house got sick and threw up the attic."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

Second hand furniture.

Yardless: Please help

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

'We divested ourselves of a division here, a subsidiary there, a branch here, an affiliate there...there's nothing left!'

A business that thinks alike...sinks alike.

It was getting worse. Bob's power suit kept wanting more and more, whereas Bob just wanted out.

We're cutting the forest in half, so I'm going to need you to make the oxygen of two trees.

A man is living in small box apartment trying to read a book, but is surrounded by people engaging in noisy activities.

'The massive arrests have made the plans for downsizing much easier.'

"In the current market, it's just more practical."

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

Yard Sale

"Not to mention the park view."

'I thought people were quite receptive to the change seminar.'

Estate Sale! All the stuff my kids said they don't want to inherit.