Company Cutback Comic Gifts

'What's the smallest budget you can manage on?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'We're taking over tonight, it's the only way to save the farm.'

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

Executive gym with briefcases for weights.

Meet Grant, he came up through the ranks.

'Stay with me now, people, because in Step C, things get a bit delicate.'

'I'll show you mine, if you show me yours.'

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

"This is the communications workshop, right? Let’s get started, I’m prepared!"

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

"I don't know whether your tired, anxious, nervous, or whatever. But it looks like a clear case of performance anxiety."

"Good boy, what a good boy. You're hired."

"You do realise that the post is only part time, no more than 70 or 80 hours a week."

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

'What we need is a decision, not more foot-dragging.'

But under a different accounting convention ...

'Hawaii can wait. These reports cannot.'

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

"I don't make the rules around here. I just enshrine them."

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

'You'll be broadening up your horizons in a cubicle.'

'Look, I said I'd bring you the report on micromanaging. Just give me a chance.'

'Do we want to apply for a credit card that plays the song 'Money Makes The World Go Around' every time it is swiped?'

"The only reason I'm firing you for your suggestion is because you signed yours."

When you talk about my debt to society, I thought that only referred to criminals.

"Good luck, Sanders. We're sure going to miss that little imitation you do of me at office parties."

"When you promised me 'a set of wheels', I assumed a company car."

'This company wants someone who can screw the clients but who is quite happy to be screwed by me.'

"Hold your questions until I've talked so long no one knows or cares what you're asking about."

"You've been replaced by a new AI program, but we can keep you on until it's finished it's vacation."