Corporate Comic Relief Gifts

Maybe next tiime you'll hand in the risk assessment on time

"And I'm sure that as customers you'll be thrilled that as a result of tighter financial management we've measured a 0.3% improvement in12.7% of 12% of 6 of our most significant operational targets."

Sales chart shows sales going downhill.

'Sorry you can't claim your 60 inch TV as a business expense.'

'I see you have no life.. we like that in an employee.'

'I hate to let you go, Blake, but since we've gone paperless, I can no longer justify an executive paperweight in the budget.'

'I like your ideas so much Farnsworth, that I've decided to take full credit for them.'

"Huh, somehow I missed that. So resting on our laurels is at the core of our new strategic plan."

Beer companies merge.

'No one takes me seriously because I'm a small business man.'

'We've all read the report cover to cover. Anyone read all that stuff in the middle?'

"Gentlemen...we need to sell more tampons. Any ideas?"

"The elephant in the room, yes, but I can no longer ignore this pile of peanut shells."

"Before we start the meeting do we have any apologies?"

"I've asked O'Malley in to explain these figures to you in layman's terms."

"When we get to the meeting, you break down the major points of our proposed strategy, while I focus on having a breakdown."

"I used to be the leader of the management team, until they made me abdicate."

'What this corporation needs is more pizzazz and less pizza.'

Managing Director - Situation Vacant

'Justin here, will be a perfect fill-in during your week off. He's very reorganization oriented.'

'... a working vacation means you can wear a Hawaiian shirt while you work.'

'You have to admire the boss. All of his posturing and ranting is self taught.'

'Oh, we don't need your references. We got hackers for that.'

'On Company Time: A Novel'

'40% of lawyers say they're working a 50 hour week...So what are the lazy bastards doing with the REST of their time?'

"How's your sense of humor? We're looking for an auditor who knows how to laugh."

"Use your words, Jefferson! Not a roundhouse to the face!"

Tech, Inc. Marketing Dept. The screen on our latest device are shattering. Great! Let's call it "breakthrough technology"!

"Maureen, come in and hold a mirror under my nose."

"On the plus side, you're on the cover of all the major business publications."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Overjumpers

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."