Comic Relief Executive Gifts

'And this is Uncle Bob, who will be chairing all meetings between the Union and management.'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Overjumpers

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"I'm trying to create a hologram of myself. If I'm successful, I'll never have to attend school, go to the dentist or go anywhere else that's boring again."

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."

"It says here on your resume that one of your qualities is a sense of humor. Care to elaborate?"

"Aren't we going a little overboard with Friday's casual dress code!?"

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."

When Holy Cows Are Sent Out To 'Pastor'.

"The only reason I'm firing you for your suggestion is because you signed yours."

Break Glass in Case of Stress

Tourist in the desert

'I can't say I like your cavalier attitude Benson.'

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'

Bureau of Missing Door Knobs

"On the plus side, you're on the cover of all the major business publications."

"Use your words, Jefferson! Not a roundhouse to the face!"

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

'On Company Time: A Novel'

Gentleman, things are worse than we thought.

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

Maybe next tiime you'll hand in the risk assessment on time

'I must be getting good, because my Dad told me to go play for the neighbours!'

Cost cutting construction ideas that failed: using rhubarb instead of rebar in concrete.

'Nothing to worry about, Mr. Jenkins, some people do have a mild reaction to the flu shot!'

Do you think I have a problem delegating?

"Having captions above makes me feel like I'm doing grand opera."

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

One more ring andBbob would set off the Solicitor Glove.

How's my driving?

'I went online to check out my ancestry and I found that my dad, 10,000 times removed, was an amoeba!'

'I don't want bread crumbs. I'd prefer some money to buy a cheeseburger.'