Company Comic Gifts

"In keeping with my promise to spread the wealth, I'm giving you all a bigger piece of the pie."

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

'We're taking over tonight, it's the only way to save the farm.'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

Executive gym with briefcases for weights.

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

'Stay with me now, people, because in Step C, things get a bit delicate.'

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'

"You do realise that the post is only part time, no more than 70 or 80 hours a week."

"He treated associates like he treated his plants."

"I don't know whether your tired, anxious, nervous, or whatever. But it looks like a clear case of performance anxiety."

"Good boy, what a good boy. You're hired."

"This is the communications workshop, right? Let’s get started, I’m prepared!"

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

'What we need is a decision, not more foot-dragging.'

But under a different accounting convention ...

'Hawaii can wait. These reports cannot.'

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

'You'll be broadening up your horizons in a cubicle.'

"I don't make the rules around here. I just enshrine them."

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

'This is the latest management structure...It'll help you see where you fit in...'

'Look, I said I'd bring you the report on micromanaging. Just give me a chance.'

'I'll be a little late with those reports, sir -- my desk organizer crashed.'

Body Language Expert - 'You don't like your job do you?'