Corporate Comic Gifts

'Stay with me now, people, because in Step C, things get a bit delicate.'

'And the vote to have a unanimous consensus passed five to two.'

'I'd like to give a particularly warm welcome to those of you who are joining us from the southern hemisphere.'

'What we need is a decision, not more foot-dragging.'

But under a different accounting convention ...

"How's my presentation? Call 1-800-..."

'And this is our strategic planning department...'

'I've been disorientated since my employee orientation program.'

'It was here when Harris decided to 'tweak' things a bit...'

Substitute Chairman

'I'll show you mine, if you show me yours.'

'Hawaii can wait. These reports cannot.'

'Binky will be roaming the halls, spreading his own brand of team spirit.'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

Boardroom antics.

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

'Do we want to apply for a credit card that plays the song 'Money Makes The World Go Around' every time it is swiped?'

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

You are here.

"And to end my presentation, here's a film clip of accounting department bloopers."

"Well, yesterday's 'brainstorming session' wasn't so much a storm as a very disappointing drizzle."

'The customers' suggestions make a lot of sense. I say, let's hire the customers and fire the staff!'

"The headlock interjects playfulness into the boardroom while still maintaining the corporate hierarchy."

'Job security's not great here so we tend to leave our coats on.'

'Your resume is certainly impressive, Mr. Simmons, but do you have any on the job experience?'

'All in favor of banning Roger's kids from future board meetings...'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"We've got a long meeting today, but not to worry, folks. I made sure we won't run out of coffee."

'Well, that's fun! Just last week, one of your colleagues came in here to ask for a raise!'

Profits and bonuses.

Punch and Judy Sales Conference

"Somebody fine tune Johnson."

'I know you'll fit in well here. It's written all over your face.'

"I met all my projections. Thank goodness I set the bar low."

"It's late. I am not getting into another heated discussion with you."