Company Buyout Gifts

'Have you been enjoying your buyout?'

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

A fight in the Boardroom.

'They sold the company in 2001? I was wondering why things were slow.'

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"I suppose just climbing the greasy pole is no longer an option..."

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

"It's Swamp & Swallow - they're making an offer we can't refuse!"

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

'If we have only fractional ownership, it's not a private jet anymore, is it?'

'Uh - oh... this looks like an unfriendly takeover!'

"That's Hicks from the corporate office. He's adorable, but trust me—when it comes to acquisitions, he's an animal!"

Under new blame.

"Now this chart should clear up any confusion you have with the report."

"The torch is passed, but since the company is going green, I'm passing a high efficiency, solar powered multi LEC prism spotlight."

"Pistachio almond—that's the buyout."

"So far it doesn't look like a hostile takeover."

'You can't put him out to pasture - he owns the pasture!'

"Oh, no! We've inadvertently gobbled up our own parent company."

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

"It's strictly business. Please don't take your financial ruin personally."

'With the firm growing at the speed it has there are bound to be a few problems...'

'There's a gentleman out here with $643 million. He would like to discuss a takeover.'

"Leave Lou to me. I'll eat him and then you can run the company."

'I think we're setting the bar too low.'

"We're still the same, great company we've always been, only we've ceased to exist."

"The water does taste a little funny. Maybe they added analgesics, to ease the pain of restructuring."

'Massive unpredictability is absolutely certain, maybe.'

"I always cry at mergers."

'I told you I'd deal with your transfer request, Jenkins. Cut the deck!'

'I'm downsizing in hopes of a merger.'

'The buildings are merging.'

"We're a cable giant, you're a cable giant."

'Cards for all occasions: takeover, buyouts, mergers, flotation, bankruptcy.'

"All this is mine now! I had my lawyers declare you incompetent!"