Company Liquidation Gifts

"I was going to quit when the going was good. But the going never got good."

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

A fight in the Boardroom.

Voice coming from wooden horse: 'Quiet Fanshaw! If this hostile take-over bid is going to work we've got to get right inside the boardroom.'

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

'We divested ourselves of a division here, a subsidiary there, a branch here, an affiliate there...there's nothing left!'

"It's Swamp & Swallow - they're making an offer we can't refuse!"

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

'If sales don't improve incrementally... our business outlook will change excrementally...'

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

"What we didn't have but obviously needed was an alarmist."

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

"Let's kick off this Human Resource action with a game of Musical Chairs."

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

"So far it doesn't look like a hostile takeover."

'I thought people were quite receptive to the change seminar.'

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

'This is what happens when we give up our resistance to change.'

"It's strictly business. Please don't take your financial ruin personally."

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

'I think we're setting the bar too low.'

'There's a gentleman out here with $643 million. He would like to discuss a takeover.'

"We're still the same, great company we've always been, only we've ceased to exist."

"The water does taste a little funny. Maybe they added analgesics, to ease the pain of restructuring."

'Well, I'll say this: when the new boss came on board, it was a real game-changer for all of us!'

'Massive unpredictability is absolutely certain, maybe.'

"I always cry at mergers."

'The buildings are merging.'

'Our company has hit an icebery and is sinking fast. Of course, it's all very symbolic.'

'Stop complaining and be thankful we found a place for you in the restructuring!'

"Jim, say hi to Tom, our severance consultant."

'All those who think change is good, say aye...'

'Cards for all occasions: takeover, buyouts, mergers, flotation, bankruptcy.'

"Reduced budgets are a challenge...Rather than just talk you through it we'd like to give you a practical demonstration of how to 'maximise' resources from limited resources."

'I'm not looking for something that will eliminate 10% of my employees. I want something that'll eliminate all of them.'