Crooner Gifts

"O.K., Marv, you win. Quit the croonin' and get a condom."

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

Bryan Ferry

Toothless Rocker, "Oi, play the guitar with your own teeth !"

'...and I only have eyes, for ewe...'

Bashful in Nashville

"If Sinatra had eaten here he'd have loved it."

'I can't write cheating songs because my wife's too insecure.'

Festive squad

'Woke up this morning found someone had stolen my guitar...'

Singer in a boat disturbing the fish.

"This next song's about spreading risk in a volitile market by diversification"

"I came all the way from Alabama just to see you, Susanna. Why in tarnation are you cryin'?"

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

'Oh, shut up!'

'The records show, I took the blows and did it, the way of whatever sheep happened to be in my way.'

'Old blue-screen's back!'

"O Holy night - Aye! The stars are brightly shining - YUH!"

I'm just saying he picked a hell of a time to have a Susan Boyle moment.

This'n song here, "She Done Me Wrong 'n' That Ain't Right," goes out to my high school english teacher.

"O.K., I'm off to do some running and off-key singing."

City & Western.

Dolly Parton

Frank Sinatra

Rhinestone Accountant

The New Modern-Day Lament.

"I'd like to sing some songs from the great American songbook, I'll start with the Dead Kennedys. . ."

'The song made it seem so much more serene.'

"Let's face it, Tom. A society that's paying its Frank Sinatras and Johnny Carsons more than its yous and mes is out of whack."

Banjo Player

'One more yippeee-ki-yi from Roy Rogers back there,and i'm putting a hoof through that guitar.'

"This next song's about our desperate struggle to please and chronic craving for approval. I really, really hope you like it."

'I got a case of the itsy-bitsy bonus blues...'