Classical Crooner Gifts

"I won an tenor on the lottery."

"Yeah, I got into trouble, but I think the principal really enjoyed my rendition of 'I Did It My Way.'"

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

Toothless Rocker, "Oi, play the guitar with your own teeth !"

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

'...and I only have eyes, for ewe...'

Bashful in Nashville

'I can't write cheating songs because my wife's too insecure.'

'Woke up this morning found someone had stolen my guitar...'

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

Festive squad

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

"O Holy night - Aye! The stars are brightly shining - YUH!"

I'm just saying he picked a hell of a time to have a Susan Boyle moment.

Music from the moon.

"O.K., I'm off to do some running and off-key singing."

Rhinestone Accountant

Dolly Parton

"Let's face it, Tom. A society that's paying its Frank Sinatras and Johnny Carsons more than its yous and mes is out of whack."

Banjo Player

The New Modern-Day Lament.

'The song made it seem so much more serene.'

"This next song's about our desperate struggle to please and chronic craving for approval. I really, really hope you like it."

'I got a case of the itsy-bitsy bonus blues...'

'May we sing you a few carols?'

"And a parsley in a pear treeeee."

"Gentlemen, let's pick it up again with 'I Been Livin' on Cold Navy Beans.'"

Pianissimo - (to sing very softly).

Singing is everyone's shower rights.