Casual Crooner Gifts

Singing is everyone's shower rights.

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

'She'll never look for me here.'

Toothless Rocker, "Oi, play the guitar with your own teeth !"

A trevor of trainspotters

'Their daughter plays the violin.'

Bashful in Nashville

Infinity Tavern

'...and I only have eyes, for ewe...'

"How are you enjoying the job?" "Oh, Ilove the job...it's the work that I hate."

'All right!! Bull's-eye!'

"If Sinatra had eaten here he'd have loved it."

'I can't write cheating songs because my wife's too insecure.'

Shallow End (Slightly innocuous statements) - Deep End (a little more weighty)

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

'Woke up this morning found someone had stolen my guitar...'

"I came all the way from Alabama just to see you, Susanna. Why in tarnation are you cryin'?"

This'n song here, "She Done Me Wrong 'n' That Ain't Right," goes out to my high school english teacher.

Music from the moon.

"I've got a very responsible job. If anything goes wrong, I'm responsible."

I'm just saying he picked a hell of a time to have a Susan Boyle moment.

'Old blue-screen's back!'

"O.K., I'm off to do some running and off-key singing."

"Don't worry. These rosés are still fresh."

Dolly Parton

Rhinestone Accountant

"And now, with our own unique version of the cole porter classic. . ."

Man with t-shirt 'I *spade* my dog'.

Banjo Player

"Let's face it, Tom. A society that's paying its Frank Sinatras and Johnny Carsons more than its yous and mes is out of whack."