Classical Crooner Pillows

"I won an tenor on the lottery."

"Yeah, I got into trouble, but I think the principal really enjoyed my rendition of 'I Did It My Way.'"

Cut out and keep your own Frank Sinatra.

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

Toothless Rocker, "Oi, play the guitar with your own teeth !"

Bashful in Nashville

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

'...and I only have eyes, for ewe...'

'I can't write cheating songs because my wife's too insecure.'

'Woke up this morning found someone had stolen my guitar...'

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

Festive squad

"I came all the way from Alabama just to see you, Susanna. Why in tarnation are you cryin'?"

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

'Old blue-screen's back!'

This'n song here, "She Done Me Wrong 'n' That Ain't Right," goes out to my high school english teacher.

Music from the moon.

"O Holy night - Aye! The stars are brightly shining - YUH!"

I'm just saying he picked a hell of a time to have a Susan Boyle moment.

"O.K., I'm off to do some running and off-key singing."

"And now, with our own unique version of the cole porter classic. . ."

Dolly Parton

Rhinestone Accountant

'One more yippeee-ki-yi from Roy Rogers back there,and i'm putting a hoof through that guitar.'

"Let's face it, Tom. A society that's paying its Frank Sinatras and Johnny Carsons more than its yous and mes is out of whack."

Banjo Player

The New Modern-Day Lament.

'The song made it seem so much more serene.'

"This next song's about our desperate struggle to please and chronic craving for approval. I really, really hope you like it."

'I got a case of the itsy-bitsy bonus blues...'

Bobby Biddle, world's worst country singer.

'May we sing you a few carols?'

"And a parsley in a pear treeeee."

"Gentlemen, let's pick it up again with 'I Been Livin' on Cold Navy Beans.'"

Pianissimo - (to sing very softly).