Chord Crooner Pillows

Toothless Rocker, "Oi, play the guitar with your own teeth !"

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

Learn Guitar In 6 Easy Lessons: Add another fifty difficult ones!

“Dad, I think I’ve finally found Gsus.”

Bashful in Nashville

"Check out this new store."

'...and I only have eyes, for ewe...'

"In my next album 'Gettin' Back', I refute all the strong beliefs expressed in 'Gettin' There', my previous album."

'I can't write cheating songs because my wife's too insecure.'

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

'Woke up this morning found someone had stolen my guitar...'

Singer in a boat disturbing the fish.

"This next song's about spreading risk in a volitile market by diversification"

'Do you practice everyday or are you always this annoying?'

'This is the 'I Fell Behind On My Credit Card Payments, So They Took My Guitar Away Blues'. I'll be performing it a cappella.'

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

I'm just saying he picked a hell of a time to have a Susan Boyle moment.

"O.K., I'm off to do some running and off-key singing."

Rhinestone Accountant

Dolly Parton

City & Western.

"C major 7, F major 7. . . and that's been the story of my life."

"Let's face it, Tom. A society that's paying its Frank Sinatras and Johnny Carsons more than its yous and mes is out of whack."

Banjo Player

The New Modern-Day Lament.

'The song made it seem so much more serene.'

"This next song's about our desperate struggle to please and chronic craving for approval. I really, really hope you like it."

'Guys, could we try a different inversion?...Guys?'

Eric Clapton.