Chord Crooner Gifts

Toothless Rocker, "Oi, play the guitar with your own teeth !"

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

Learn Guitar In 6 Easy Lessons: Add another fifty difficult ones!

“Dad, I think I’ve finally found Gsus.”

"Check out this new store."

"In my next album 'Gettin' Back', I refute all the strong beliefs expressed in 'Gettin' There', my previous album."

Bashful in Nashville

'...and I only have eyes, for ewe...'

'I can't write cheating songs because my wife's too insecure.'

Singer in a boat disturbing the fish.

'Woke up this morning found someone had stolen my guitar...'

Guitars in Heaven

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

"This next song's about spreading risk in a volitile market by diversification"

"I came all the way from Alabama just to see you, Susanna. Why in tarnation are you cryin'?"

'Do you practice everyday or are you always this annoying?'

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

'This is the 'I Fell Behind On My Credit Card Payments, So They Took My Guitar Away Blues'. I'll be performing it a cappella.'

This'n song here, "She Done Me Wrong 'n' That Ain't Right," goes out to my high school english teacher.

I'm just saying he picked a hell of a time to have a Susan Boyle moment.

'Old blue-screen's back!'

'Yeah, well I'm sick of being so danged happy all the time.'

"O.K., I'm off to do some running and off-key singing."

City & Western.

Dolly Parton

Rhinestone Accountant

"And now, with our own unique version of the cole porter classic. . ."

'One more yippeee-ki-yi from Roy Rogers back there,and i'm putting a hoof through that guitar.'

Banjo Player

The New Modern-Day Lament.

"Let's face it, Tom. A society that's paying its Frank Sinatras and Johnny Carsons more than its yous and mes is out of whack."

'The song made it seem so much more serene.'

"C major 7, F major 7. . . and that's been the story of my life."

"This next song's about our desperate struggle to please and chronic craving for approval. I really, really hope you like it."

'Guys, could we try a different inversion?...Guys?'