Crooner T-Shirts

"O.K., Marv, you win. Quit the croonin' and get a condom."

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

Bryan Ferry

Toothless Rocker, "Oi, play the guitar with your own teeth !"

'...and I only have eyes, for ewe...'

Bashful in Nashville

'I can't write cheating songs because my wife's too insecure.'

Singer in a boat disturbing the fish.

Festive squad

'Woke up this morning found someone had stolen my guitar...'

"This next song's about spreading risk in a volitile market by diversification"

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

"O Holy night - Aye! The stars are brightly shining - YUH!"

I'm just saying he picked a hell of a time to have a Susan Boyle moment.

"O.K., I'm off to do some running and off-key singing."

Dolly Parton

City & Western.

Rhinestone Accountant

"Let's face it, Tom. A society that's paying its Frank Sinatras and Johnny Carsons more than its yous and mes is out of whack."

Banjo Player

The New Modern-Day Lament.

'The song made it seem so much more serene.'

"This next song's about our desperate struggle to please and chronic craving for approval. I really, really hope you like it."

'I got a case of the itsy-bitsy bonus blues...'