Critical Philosopher Gifts

Immanuel Kant

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

Opportunities in Coronatimes

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

Fear/Knowledge

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"

Reading my Critics

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

Vote Centrist to Keep Things Exactly as Awful as They Are

"I don't like the looks of that!"

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"Cash, Jordan. That's what separates man from the apes."

"If I 'HAD IT ALL' it would it be enough?"

Ducks and hares taken in by a wolf at a seance

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

Florida Governor, Rick Scott, cuts funding for rape victims.

George Orwell

"Strawman argument terrorises conversation... News at eleven."

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

"Wait... what was it I came up here for?"

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

"Hey...look...I'm prepared to admit that I might have been wrong, but...I think it's time to draw a line under it... and y'know...move on..."

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"Actually, yes, honey — I do believe 'Fox News' is an oxymoron."

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

Unemployed recession: the irony is killing me

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

Unanimous voting.

'How do we SLEEP at night?'

"Do you think the flat earth society has members round the globe?"

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"